


Highly Dissatisfied

by Raven_Knight



Series: Jedi Lineage [8]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Don't copy to another site, Gen, Humor, Long-suffering Obi-Wan, Masters & Padawans, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon is dramatic, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-18 12:14:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18699397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Knight/pseuds/Raven_Knight
Summary: Obi-Wan enters the quarters he shares with his Master, intending to ask for help in preparation for his exams. Qui-Gon, however, is dealing with a far more urgent matter.





	Highly Dissatisfied

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. This piece, archived at Archive of Our Own (Ao3), is purely a non-commercial work of fiction from which I am not profiting in any way. This work may not be reproduced, archived, or redistributed by any means and/or in any format without prior written permission from me. Permission may be obtained by contacting me at r4v3n.kn1ght@gmail.com. 
> 
> This fic is just some SW crack I decided to write to commemorate an incident I experienced and then decided to put Qui-Gon through below. I can laugh about it now, but I was definitely not laughing at the time. Hopefully, you find this entertaining if nothing else. ~ RK

**Highly Dissatisfied**  
**by**  
**Raven Knight**

When Obi-Wan Kenobi entered the quarters he shared with his Master, he’d hoped to catch Qui-Gon Jinn in a receptive, calm mood so he could ask him to work in the salle with him on their lightsaber sparring. Obi-Wan’s Junior Padawan Lightsaber exam took place in one week, and he still lacked confidence in the finer points of Form II. Knowing of his Grandmaster’s legendary skill in Makashi, Obi-Wan hoped to breach the topic of possibly asking Master Dooku for a brief lesson through his own Master. All of Obi-Wan’s thoughts on how to bring up the subject shattered the moment he stepped into their quarters and his master noticed his presence.

“Obi-Wan!” Qui-Gon roared from the other side of the common area.

Obi-Wan froze just inside the rooms. The door slid shut behind him. “Master?”

Qui-Gon spun in his chair at his desk and shook a flimsi wildly in the air. “Those bastards!”

His Master’s behavior was so unexpected that Obi-Wan didn’t know if he should laugh or be frightened. Laughter won, but he managed to keep his smile inside. He could not avoid widening his eyes to avoid the smile. “I beg your pardon, Master? What bastards?” he managed to croak without laughing.

“Language, Padawan!” Qui-Gon thundered across the floor and shoved the flimsi at him. Obi-Wan had no choice but to take it and investigate what had incensed his Master to this level. It looked like a consumer receipt of payment from Divini-tea, his Master’s favorite tea shop since Qui-Gon’s Senior Padawan days. On it was his last order, from only one month ago. Qui-Gon stabbed his finger at one particular blend listed on the flimsi. “Those bastards discontinued Chocovana!”

A short bark of laughter burst from Obi-Wan before he could stop himself at the reason for his Master’s ire and the fact that, apparently, his Master could use whatever language he wanted. Qui-Gon stiffened and glared at him like a rabid beast about to bite his throat. It sobered Obi-Wan in an instant. “I see, Master,” he said, nodding at the tea blend listed on the receipt.

“This was the _one_ chocolate tea I could stand.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Because all of the other blends had cinnamon in them! And we both know how much I can’t do cinnamon.” Obi-Wan bit his tongue to avoid reminding his Master of their mutual enjoyment of the occasional spiced chai, which contained a potent cinnamon note in the blend. Qui-Gon snatched the flimsi back. “Chocovana was my absolute favorite tea they had!” he groused.

Obi-Wan had to say something at that comment. “Oh, and that other variety we used to get regularly. The spiced plum one, gone for years now. That was your favorite for a while.”

Qui-Gon’s expression turned thunderous. “They never replaced that blend. No other plum tea equaled it. So I had to find another favorite, which was Chocovana!”

“And then there was the very delicious Life Day one we got every year—”

“Until they discontinued _that_ too!”

“—the white chocolate, mint-cane one.” Obi-Wan licked his lips. “That hit the spot during Life Day celebrations.”

Qui-Gon crumbled the flimsi in his hand to stop himself from punching the wall. “Not the last two Life Days. That never came back! Life Day’s not the same without it, even when we tried to order different teas and blend them together to try to get White Choco-Mint-Cane.” He ground his teeth then fastened his eyes on his reminiscing apprentice. “And now they’ve gone and done it again to us with Chocovana! How dare they?”

Qui-Gon stomped over to his desk again to the terminal, set aside his crumbled flimsi, and proceeded to instigate a sharp inquiry into the HoloNet. Obi-Wan came over to stand at his Master’s side. “Had I known about this, Master, I would have ordered a massive supply of it for your Name Day so you would be able to enjoy it for a long while instead of this shock.”

“This is the final straw that drives me to seek out another tea house.” He brought up a forum on the terminal and pointed to it. “It is comforting to know that others are as put off by this situation as I am.” Qui-Gon paused and tilted his head as though listening to something only he could hear. He turned to look at Obi-Wan with a small, grateful smile. Even before he spoke, Obi-Wan knew that Qui-Gon’s mind just registered what he’d said about ordering a stash of Chocovana for him. “Thank you, Padawan. I know you would have.” He turned back to the terminal screen and tapped it pointedly. “Apparently, they didn’t even announce it. Everyone’s in the same unhappy situation.”

Obi-Wan leaned forward and read the comment in the forum closest to his Master’s fingertip. _Won’t go back to your shop unless you bring this back. Telling everyone I know to stop going there too._ He skipped a few and read another. _I will find my morning blend elsewhere!_ Obi-Wan straightened again. “Well, I’m glad someone out there is telling them how unhappy they are.”

He expected a reply from Qui-Gon. When it didn’t arrive, Obi-Wan looked at him. His Master wore a long-familiar expression, one that always gave Obi-Wan a bad feeling about whatever was about to happen even though he didn’t know his Master’s plan yet. It was the lopsided grin and glinting eyes that spelled mischief and, more often than not, Obi-Wan explaining his Master’s imminent actions to someone he was about to annoy.

Qui-Gon sprang into action. He furiously composed four sentences in record time. Why he couldn’t be bothered to be this efficient when it came to mission reports would forever remain a mystery to Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon leaned back in the chair when finished and nodded at the screen. “What do you think, Padawan?”

Obi-Wan quickly read what his Master wrote.

_As the person who single-handedly converted the majority of the Jedi Order to your establishment’s tea selection, the discontinuation of Chocovana has prompted me to undo my influence and steps have been taken to dissuade that same majority of the Jedi Order from maintaining their business with you. In other words, by discontinuing this one tea, you have lost the entire Jedi Order as your customers. That is unfortunate. May the Force be with you._

_Sincerely but Very Disappointedly,_

_Master Q. Jinn_

Obi-Wan shot his Master a long-suffering look. “Master, you can’t possibly send—”

Qui-Gon tapped the ‘post comment’ button with more delight than anyone had a right to have when issuing a complaint. He flashed his most innocent smile at Obi-Wan. “You were saying, Padawan?”

Obi-Wan could do nothing but sigh. “Nothing, Master.” Knowing Qui-Gon would be fully occupied for hours making good on his promise to tell the entire Jedi Order not to give business to the offensive tea shop, Obi-Wan retreated to his sleep chamber for the night. His questions regarding the finer points of Form II and possibly enlisting Master Dooku’s expertise could wait until morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Just so everyone knows, I did NOT send a complaint like I had Qui-Gon do above. Thank you for reading. Hope it made you laugh a little. Leave a comment on your way out, please. Thank you! ~ RK


End file.
